Salida Furries — A Field Guide

Part I

A Field Guide

The upper Arkansas valley supports one of the most diverse populations of costumed fauna in the Rockies. Six species are commonly observed. Keep this guide on your person.

Upper Arkansas Bighorn

Ovis stubbornus

Field marks: Enormous horns. Has worn the same outfit since the Pleistocene and considers everyone else a poser.
Habitat: The middle of Highway 50.
Behavior: Will not move for your Subaru.
Status: Founding member. Never once attended a meeting.

F Street River Otter

Lontra neoprenus

Field marks: Sleek, damp, and in a wetsuit. Insists the wetsuit is not a costume. The evidence is mixed.
Habitat: The Arkansas River, in all weather, against all advice.
Call: "Dude, it's running so good right now."
Status: Abundant from runoff until frostbite.

Time-Warping Jackalope

Lepus rockyhorribilis

Field marks: Antlers, sequins, and a great deal of eyeliner. Nocturnal. Travels in loud, joyful packs.
Behavior: A jump to the left, followed reliably by a step to the right.
Call: Shouts at movie screens. The screen does not answer. This has not discouraged it.
Status: Thriving. Possibly the dominant species.

Monarch Van Marmot

Marmota vanlifeus

Field marks: Goggle tan. Fleece of indeterminate age. Sawdust from a bed platform it built itself.
Habitat: Parking lots with a view.
Behavior: Asleep by 8:30. Hibernates through mud season, or goes to Moab, which is the same thing.
Status: Technically has no fixed address. Technically thrilled about it.

Creative District Fox

Vulpes ceramicus

Field marks: Clay under the claws. Interesting glasses. Three part-time jobs and one studio.
Habitat: Gallery openings, near the cheese.
Call: "It's actually about impermanence."
Status: Will gift you a slightly lopsided mug. You will keep it forever.

Front Range Transplant Retriever

Canis lastoneinus

Field marks: Very friendly. Spotless trucker hat. Arrived in 2021.
Behavior: Has already begun complaining about the people arriving after it.
Call: "Salida used to be so much quieter."
Status: Spreading rapidly up the valley.

Part II

The Field Test

Six questions, peer-reviewed by a marmot. Answer honestly. The valley already knows.

Seasonal notice

The Great Halloween Migration

Each year on October 31 the herd descends from the hills into historic downtown. Naturalists recommend the following:

Peak viewing is dusk until everyone gets cold.
Bring binoculars and a jacket. Especially the jacket. It is October at 7,000 feet.
Fun-size candy is an acceptable offering. Do not make sudden movements.
If a Jackalope invites you to do the Time Warp, it is safest to comply.

Part III

The Bylaws

Be kind. Everyone out here is a little weird, and that is the point.
Keep it family friendly. There are children in very good pumpkin costumes present.
No hooves on the furniture.
Yield to all bighorn. They were here first and they know it.
Dues are one (1) good-natured howl, payable annually.

Part IV

Frequently Howled Questions

Is this real?

About as real as anything you will see on F Street on Halloween.

How do I join?

Do you own a costume, and did you wear it somewhere it was not strictly required? Congratulations. You joined years ago.

Are you making fun of furries?

No. We are making fun of Salida, with love, and we live here. Actual furries are welcome and are frankly better at this than we are.

Who runs this?

A subcommittee of marmots. They are asleep.

Can I report a sighting?

Yes. Tell the person next to you. Then point.